i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
