I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
