drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
