Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
