When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
