I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
