I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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