Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
