she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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