You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
