whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize