The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
