oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
