dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
