Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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