Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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