my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
