I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
