I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
