i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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