why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
