so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
