I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I know her cup size but not her name....
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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