i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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