he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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