he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
