Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did you pee in the oven last night??
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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