he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
