He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
