If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
