So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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