She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
