there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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