By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
just found out that she named her cat after me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
God I need to hump something, right now.
is it fun? or sober?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
