if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
