There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
