but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
