his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
