my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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