Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
