The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
