so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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