How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
