I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
