went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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