just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
