Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
