I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
