I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
