I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
