Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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