dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
