i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Randomize
