Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
