I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Pants are for mortals
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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