You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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