when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
