waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
