I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize