I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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