I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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