I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
