He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
