u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
