This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
