I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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