I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Randomize
