Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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