party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
