There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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