My liver just broke up with me...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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