Ketchup is God's man juice
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
