Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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