and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
we're so committed to being not committed
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
