Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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