all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
