if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
