Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
